Off late, I’ve been wondering about how I really see God. I’m not in a hospital waiting hall twitching my fingers waiting on lab results. No. Neither am I battling whether or not to work in any zymurgy field. PS. Zymurgy is a fancy word I found relating to brewing processes. However, I am in a very tight period in my life and if you’ve ever been in any period that has left you confused, you know when you are in a tight place (please, not for marriage oh…let me clarify…lol) sometimes, it’s very easy to lose sight of God. Dangerously, we may forget who God is at all in such situations.
Currently, I’m living life figuring out what the Lord will have me do. Amidst this seeming confusion, throw in my own long ago planned dreams and desires (the most detailed of which He has successfully squashed), my parents and siblings expectations (and let me mention that I believe my parents have been extremely patient and supportive as have been my siblings and I won’t pretend otherwise), seeing how life is faring for mates and friends and all the craziness life and growing up brings, I realize I may have lost sight of who God really is.
This hit me some days ago while being unable to sleep, I hopped onto Jackie Hill Perry’s timeline and watched tonnes of videos. In one interview I think, she was talking about how we often lose sight that God is a good God. When she said that, I sat up in my mind…lol but went on with my binge video watching. Much of the whole day the next day, I sat home thinking about what she said. There, I asked myself whether I really believe God is still a good God in this situation I find myself in. Was I still going to credit God as good despite the hopelessness I feel and His somewhat silence on issues I think are so pressing I need his clear leading and not little little daily impressions about? You know like when you’re on your bed crying Lord Please.
And He is ever so silent about just that one thing. So despite, young me had to run the question severally in my mind and the truth is, I concluded I may have said yes, of course, God is still good in my Ghanaian English but go on tomorrow and act like he isn’t when the next storm comes. Because more than say with my mouth, I must come to a very firm belief of what I profess. The truth must flow out of the abundance of my heart. So if I do not believe inherently that God is a good God. That He is such a good God that without my asking for it, acknowledging it, he died in my stead. That he is such a good God that he hunted me down and found me and handed me salvation and all it comes with that I do not deserve. That He is such a good God that he has never left me to figure it out all on my own, even if I choose to take His silence for absence. And that He really has it all figured out before I existed as he told Jeremiah in Jeremiah 1:5. If these truths and the many more I can’t list here isn’t firmly settled within my very core, I realized I may only say what I believe is expected of me or I may not say what is the right thing at all —that God is a good God who gives good, no perfect, very perfect gifts to his children.
This week, I found a Psalm that beautifully captures this truth.
Psalm 107:1 (ESV)
Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good,
for his steadfast love endures forever!
I have come to learn we must all come to terms with what we’ll choose to believe and think in spite of looming circumstances. If God has been good and all he has ever done has been for our good, then we can and should be able to trust that he still has our ultimate good at heart no matter where he takes us and what he takes us through — even if it’s spending time we’d rather not in figuring out his place for us in this important story of His. Now, the next admission that I’ve made and I’m pondering on is, if God is indeed good, then it changes everything. When the pondering is done and I find the words, I’ll try talking about it. Time being, remember, God has your good planned long before you knew what good you’d want for yourself and this fact has to be an in-depth truth, formed in the very very roots of your heart that God is good. Fight to make it true everyday.
If you liked this post, you may like Home Or Away.
Connect with me on my other blog full of stories and poems: awowrites.wordpress.com.